What can I say?

Words cannot even express the hurt and pain and horror and utter anger that I am feeling at this moment. I found out today that Derek is back together with his ex-girlfriend and probably has been a while before he broke up with me officially. I just don't even know what to think/do. I feel so betrayed. He was my best friend and he lied to me. The part that hurts the most is that he is already back in a relationship, and with someone that he left for me. Someone that he was utterly unhappy with. What is he thinking? I want to call him and scream, I want to cry until there is nothing left of me and I no longer have to feel this pain. I want to pound my fists against a wall until it shatters and my body is as broken as my heart is. I want his heart to be broken, I want him to not be able to sleep or eat or even function as a normal human being. I want him to feel anything, not to be this evil manipulating man that he's turned out to be. I want everything he's said to me in the last fucking year and a half to not be a lie. It's so fucked up. After he broke up with her, she would still call and invite him out and try to be friendly and he would never understand why it upset me. Well, guess what? I had her pegged the whole time. I know women, and women are selfserving when it comes to men. She had an agenda the whole time, and I guess props must go out to her for putting her master plan into action. I hope she fucking breaks his heart because he would deserve it. I hope they get married and are absolutely miserable together in their pathetic lives in Tucson. I hope he comes crawling back to me someday and I can spit in his face. I guess kharmacially one might say I deserve this since I stole him from her in the first place. Fuck that, and fuck the both of them. I'm fucking through with all goddamned men and if one ever tries to hurt me again I will kick him squarly in the balls. I am shaking because I'm so livid. it's a good thing I'm not anywhere near Tucson because I would go to his house and rip it to shreds. I would break all of his cd's and burn his t-shirts in the backyard. I would crush his inhaler and flush all of his medication down the toilet. Then I would key his brand new fucking car and piss on it. Thou dost not know scorn like the wrath of a woman, for damn sure.