What a morning

I got up early to go to a hair appointment. I arrived at 8:50 and was immediatly prepped for the procedure, which I took as a good sign because in a black hair care salon you can wait for hours before anyone even starts on you. Well, I was prepped, and then left alone for 45 minutes. No problem, the girl handed me a Vibe Magazine. So, I sat there reading Vibe, which is particulary hilarious if you know me at all. Sure, I'm half black, and I am proud of my roots, black power and all that, but I have to say in some respects that I am not the typical black person. For instance, I believe that was the first time in my entire life that I have ever read a Vibe magazine. Also, I enjoy country music, and think that Napoleon Dynamite is a fabulous dancer. Sure, you can probably find a few other black people who fit into this catagory, but we are far and few between! Anyway, Vibe was actually educational and entertaining. For instance, the rapper N.O.R.E. created the phrase "You off the Dick Cheney!" which means, and I quote, "You on that new shit". I don't really know what either of those phrases means, but I'm using it. So, after my enlightning read, the stylist started putting the chemicals on my hair. She put it on, combed it in, then took me to the room with the sinks. I was so excited, because relaxers burn sooooo bad. So, I'm preparing for the glorious rinse, when she says she'll be back in 10 minutes and then leaves. 10 minutes! My head already felt like Satan was tap dancing on it, and by the time she returned, it was boiling! Not only that, but the water made it sting even more! I thought for sure I was going to have blisters all over my scalp and I wasn't really sure how to explain that to Alex Trebec. Well, she rinses out my hair, then another girl washes it, sets me under a dryer, washes it again, then blow dries it. I've never had that happen before, where someone other than your stylist does a majority of the work. I didn't know what to think. Was I supposed to tip her too? Suddenly, the prospect of having to tip 2 stylists was making me feel ill. Well, I'm all dried and thinking that it can't possibly be much longer, when the stylist takes me back and starts straighting my hair with a straight iron. In my experience, a hair that has just been chemically straightened shouldn't need to be straightened again with a straight iron. But, she did it anyway. There's much more to this story, but I'm getting tired just thinking about it. Basically, she finished at 1:20pm, 4 and a half hours after I came in, and charged me $100, which is $55 dollars more than it ever cost in Arizona. Plus I had to tip 2 people. And my head hurts. But my hair certainly does look fabulous. It's unbelievable that I am not a supermodel, you know, if they had supermodels that were a little chubby and really short.