Unusual day today...

So, at work I discovered that Evan does what to have crazy wild sex with me. It happened like this:
Me: Hey Evan, when are you coming over?
Evan: Well, I've been meaning to tell you this... I'm kind of back with my girl.
Me: Oh, what makes you think my intentions are less than innocent?
Evan: (smiling) Well, my intentions in coming over weren't innocent, I guess I thought yours weren't either.
Me: Well, I guess they weren't all innocent...
Evan: Yeah, I was excited too...

So, that was that. It's sad that he's back with his girlfriend, but comforting that he wants/wanted me. Oh, Sebastian kissed me Saturday night, but that's old hat. New hat: I heard Zach Braff's personal voicemail today!!!!! Dr. Dan called him (he has his cell phone number! Isn't that crazy?!?) and he let me listen to it. Zach is coming in for an adjustment and a latte, possibly tomorrow!! I might get to meet Zach Braff tomorrow! That's definetly new hat!!!!! Also, I randomly got a massage today and I loved it. So, yeah, that was my unusual day. I hope you've enjoyed reading about it as much as I've enjoyed writing about it. Good day to you!

What a weird Thanksgiving...

It started with me going to work. I was expecting it to be dead, but we were so busy. We were busy all day long! I'm not looking forward to tomorrow! Then, on the way home from work, I won a CD from a radio station and qualified to woin a 5000 dollar shopping spree at Best Buy, which would be fabulous! Then, Lenka and I went to my brother-in-law's brother's house for dinner. That was very fun. We ate a lot and talked with some sassy gay men and drank. Here's where it gets really weird. Towards the end of the evening, Sebastian (my b-i-l's brother) and I were left alone together on the top tier of his backyard/garden. It was very lovely. There was a hammock and the stars and the moon, and he didn't want me to go back inside. I could tell that he wanted to kiss me, even before he said, "You're cute, you've always been cute". I kind of wanted to kiss him too... he's a very attractive man, and he's successful and funny... but I was weirded out at the fact that he's my sister's husband's brother. So, we didn't kiss, but we did have one long lingering hug... And I don't know. I think I'm really afraid to kiss somebody that's not Derek, like that will make the whole thing real. I'm also at a moral crossroads... is it wrong to kiss a member of my in-law's family? I don't know what's going to happen, but I guess I'm kind of nervous and excited and confused. And weirded out...

Hello!! (said sideways while waving jazz hands and kicking)

I miss Jaimie, so I've started talking and acting like her. So, let's talk about yesterday. Yesterday shall be known now and forever as "The Day that Angela and Dave-Mike Hung Out!". Dave-Mike is my neighbor across the way. His name is actually just Mike, but he looks just like Jaimie's friend Dave, so we call him Dave-Mike. He lives with Chad-Mike, Matt-Mike, and Iris. Chad-Mike's name is Mike too, but he looks like a Chad, and Matt-Mike is actually just Matt, but we're going with the whole Mike theme. Iris hates us, but that's cool. Anyway, I saw Dave-Mike (DM) outside yesterday afternoon, and it was his day off too! So, we went to the grocery store together and then baked cookies, watched Elf, drank boxed wine, and went to Subway. All in all, it was a glorious day! One that will go down in the history books!
On another note, this morning at the CB&TL, Dr. Dan (the chiropractor from upstairs, keep up) came in and ordered his usual. We were talking, as we do, and it turns out that Zach Braff is one of his clients and he is going to bring him in to meet me the next time he has an appointment! Zach Freaking Braff! My master plan is finally falling into place! Fantastic. Or, as Flava Flav would say, "Mackadacious".
I have had "Les Miserables" stuck in my head all day long. I think tonight when my sister gets here we will put on a low budget rendition of the entire musical. It's going to be phenomenal!!! And now, friends, I must leave you. I shall always think of you singing and dancing.

Famous People I Helped This Week:

*Ashton Kutcher
*Matthew Perry

That deserves a kick, then a stretch, then a KICK!

Goodbye Paul.

Well, I had this friend Paul, and he used to be one of my best friends. Then we slept together and he did a lot of shit that really hurt me (emotionally), and it just has never been the same since. We haven't actually talked in quite awhile, but since moving here I decided to try and bury the hatchet and rekindle our friendship. I sent him an email last week, just saying hey and asking what he was up to. He replied tonight, telling me that he did not feel that things could ever go back to being the same between us because of something I had said to him 2 years ago. Apparently, he said that I said I wanted to drug him, rape him, and have his baby. Let me just say, for the record, that I have no recollection of this. I cannot even imagine a situation in which this alleged conversation could have occured. The only thing I can think of was this one time I drove up to Flagstaff and took him down to Tucson and then Patagonia to see his parents. This was at the height of my problem with bulimia, and admittly I was certifiably insane, but I don't remember saying that. I am just so upset about this whole thing, first and foremost because if this has been bothering him for 2 years, why didn't he say anything sooner? Also, because I honestly don't think I ever said that. But, that doesn't change the fact that our friendship is over forever. It's sad and ironic, because this whole time I thought I was the one pushing away from him...

Heartbroken.

So, my friend Andy called tonight just to let me know that he hasn't forgotten about me. It was a very nice call. And, he asked me, "How is your heart?" It was a very lovely question and I rather enjoyed it. How is my heart? Well, it's still broken, but it's still beating. I told him it was healing, and I guess that's all I can ask for. How do you heal a broken heart? Time is the common answer, but time takes too long. I wish it was all over already, that I could wake up tomorrow and just be fine. I have all of this hurt and anger just brewing inside of me, and I'm tired of it. I want to be okay, I want to know that I can and will love again, and that I can be loved. I feel like my relationship with he who shall not be named was a lie, that he truly never loved me, but I know that's not true. I just wish I could accept it, and move on. I keep having ridiculously real dreams about him, and it hurts. But, just knowing that I have friends out there that care about my heart makes it better. So, to you Andy, I say thank you. And to my heart, I say, heal faster! There will be better loves and one day, someday, a great love. Someday...

Hello friends.

Or friend, as it were. Not much happening right now, more of the same. I'm at home drinking boxed wine and watching movies with the roomies. I'm so glad my home situation is so wonderful, I don't think I could bare life right now if it weren't. We've started hanging out with our neighbors. They are very hilarious guys, they all moved here last year from Boston. We sit on the patio and drink boxed wine and smoke ridiculous amounts of cigarettes with them and laugh. It's pretty fantastic. Last night Jaimie and Lenka and I got pretty drunk and watched Bridget Jones's Diary and screamed about how we wanted to makeout with hot guys. Then we pretended to be Molly Shannon on SNL and repeadetly screamed "I like to kick, and stretch, and kick". In fact, I did that so much that my ass is sore today from so much kicking and stretching, and kicking. Before that, we made a venture out to the grocery store and scared some random people. It started with me dancing into the produce section singing a song about fruit, and then Jaimie came over dancing and yelling about how she loved posing naked for art class. Then Lenka started telling a story about her friend Bob who wanted to come over and have sex with us all. Poor old people, they didn't know what to do! We love the grocery store. We love to dance in the aisles to the muzac, it's very entertaining...at least to us, anyway. Oh, on Wednesday night Jaimie and I went to a gay leather bar in Hollywood. That was exciting! We went there to meet my friend Jenna who is the hottest woman alive. I was hoping to makeout with her, but alas, that did not happen. Then some lesbians told Jaimie and I that we were teases because though we might makeout with them, we would eventually get married and have babies. We took that to mean that we're hot, which we are. On the plus side, my skinny clothes fit again. I guess the best thing about extreme depression is rapid weight loss. I had a dream about he who shall not be named last night. He said he loved me, in the dream of course. In real life he's saying that to someone else. Needless to say, it was not a happy beginning to a day. Work wasn't so bad though. There's this guy Evan who I'm trying to hook it up with. He's pretty hot, and it could happen. Well, that's about it for now. I guess there's more going on than I'd realized! Peace.

Fornication!!

Goddamn I need sex! I've not gotten any in 2 months!!!! I don't even know what to do with myself! I find myself humping random objects around the house. Arrrrgh! I'm not one to advocate random sex with strangers, but right about now... I just don't know! I think over in my mind the list of guys I've slept with to see if ex-sex might be appropriate (so that I wouldn't have to raise my number, ya know) but it's just not applicable. All of them are either losers, involved with somebody else, or... yep that's about it. In fact, they're all just losers. That's it, from now on, I sleep with no losers! The next man I sleep with will be a winner, and damned good in bed. Hooray! Ok, I guess that's all the sex-starved ranting for now. I apologize for any amount of discomfort this might have caused my faithful reader Brian. To any other readers, go out and find me sex! Do your civic duty!!!! Damn it!

Today's the day.

Well, I have closure. Derek called me today to let me know he sent my stuff and it should get here tomorrow. I was actually in the middle of writing him an email when he called. At first, the tone of the conversation was very kurt, and I told him I knew he had a new girlfriend and I wish he had been honest with me. I told him I needed closure and the way he ended things didn't give that to me. He said he was sorry for the way he handled things and we had a decent conversation. Towards the end, we were even joking and laughing. I'm not angry anymore. I'm still hurt and sad and I don't want to date again for a very long time, but I'm not angry. I think that eventually he and I will be friends and it won't be weird. I know now that he's not the one for me, and that stings like a papercut in my heart, but I can accept it. Somewhere out there my soul mate is just waiting to meet me, and I will be happy in love again someday. Until then, no more mention of Derek in this blog! I am healing, and the first step is to build new memories without him and to not hold on to the past, so here it goes! I am young, single, and hot in a city filled with beautiful people. I'm ready for the time of my life!

*~*What do you get when you fall in love? You only get lies and pain and sorrow so for at least until tomorrow I'll never in love again, I'll never fall in love again*~* Elvis Costello